Friday, August 25, 2017

100 days of 100 words, day 37: glimpse


That's all it takes.  That's how ingrained, how built-in, devious, and sinister it is.  I catch a brief, unflattering glimpse of myself and I'm completely undone.  I'm spiraled to worthlessness and struggling for purpose.  Change clothes three times.  Make tea.  Fantasize about taking a knife to offending parts.  Decide to never eat again.  Eat.  Decide to exercise.  Don't.  

Remember:  this is my body:  it grew and birthed twins at 40, walks miles with only minor complaints, adapts to vision loss again and again, does what it's supposed to every day, and gives me crazy dreams at night.  And it's not perfect.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

100 days of 100 words, day 36: white privilege

White Privilege

When the boys joked about bringing switchblade combs to school to fool people, I thought about it for a while before we had the conversation.  

Have you heard about Black Lives Matter?  No?  So, there's this thing that's been happening in our country...for a very long time.  Black parents have to tell their kids, unfortunately, that the police might kill them.  Can you imagine?  No?  Me neither.  

What they've learned in school about MLK and the civil rights movement conveys a mission accomplished.  So...disillusionment...but with privilege.  Told them to stick with a black kid if they're out and police stop them.  

Friday, August 4, 2017

100 days of 100 words, day 35: saying thank you to my 22-year-old self

Saying Thank You to My 22-year-old Self

I have come to use the metric of smart-funny-kind to identify the people to whom I'm most likely to feel close, most likely to let in at all.  This is completely subjective, obviously; another person's idea of humor might not match mine.  Smart, funny, and unkind:  no thank-you.  The other permutations represent people who are perfectly wonderful to be around, but the trifecta means we'll probably be good friends. 

Somehow, back when I wasn't always making good choices, I managed to attract a man who is brilliant, gut-bustingly funny, and relentlessly kind.  And I've been with him ever since.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

100 days of 100 words, day 34: volunteer


As Staff Coordinator at the all-volunteer crisis center, I had the power to 'deactivate' other volunteers.  The most common reason for deactivation was three blown shifts; phones had been covered 24/7 since 1969 so not showing up was a big deal.

But the one time I deactivated someone, it was for making racial jokes that discomfited others.  At 20, I took a stand against a man twice my age who had volunteered there for half my life.

No self-congratulation--I was tormented.  He was so old.  They were just jokes.  But, unlike some decisions I made then, I think I got this one right.